The Ballad of the Billionaire Part 1

The Ballad of the Billionaire

 

By Paul McConville

 

(With apologies to William Topaz MacGonagall)

 

Oh, ’twas in the year of two thousand and eleven,

When wining the SPL put Rangers and its fans into seventh heaven,

That dark storm clouds did then loom into sight,

And to the apparent rescue came a man named Whyte.

 

He bought the club for the sum of a pound,

Because, by Sir David Murray, no other buyer had ever been found,

And as well as the cash to buy up the team,

He found the cash to pay off the bank, which made the folk at Lloyds beam.

Mr Whyte proclaimed to the world his detailed plans,

And these were acclaimed by most of the fans,

But very soon after he stopped paying the bills,

And this caused many to swallow headache pills.

 

On the face of the deal it all seemed well,

But already the matters were in place for the fate which did later Rangers befell,

For Mr Whyte also ceased paying over the tax,

Which he denied and denied, but these were the facts.

 

The purchase of the team being done for one quid,

It being by far the highest sum bid,

Came down to Sir David and the Big Tax Case,

A massive bill up to which Rangers had failed to face.

 

The bill it arose due to EBTs,

Which seemed even more prevalent than a mangy dog’s fleas,

A device intended to reduce the tax paid,

As long as proper foundations for the scheme had been laid.

 

And so the Billionaire took full control,

A worldwide media and merchandise operation was his goal,

He even appointed Mr Misha Sher,

Though how Mr Sher was dealt with was hardly fair.

 

Whyte’s team now was lead by Super Ally,

With whom Whyte gave the impression of being really pally,

In fact Whyte was effectively a recluse,

Bain, Greig, McClelland and McIntyre all being cast loose.

 

The league season started with goals at a rush,

Building hopes and dreams Whyte was later to crush,

Rangers soon pulled many points clear,

And no one knew the horrors about to appear.

 

Well, that’s not quite true, it is fair now to say,

For there were various writers who saw it right to say

That they saw the disasters about to unfold,

But the Rangers support did refuse to be told.

 

RTC, CQN and alongside them a man,

Going proudly by the name of Phil Mac Giolla Bhain,

Who told the story clearly as it ran,

Much to the Rangers fans’ chagrin.

 

The warning signs were there to be seen,

But much of the media seemed scared to look behind the screen,

And observers threw their toys out of their prams

At the silence of the succulent lambs.

 

Rangers set off on their Europe sojourn,

To the land of Benny, Anna Frid and Bjorn,

But a thrown ball and a red card

Proved to make the challenge just too hard.

 

And so off to Maribor, in the East,

Where the spectre of defeat loomed like a terrifying beast,

And lo, as was feared, it soon came to pass,

Rangers were dumped out of the Europa League ….. on aggregate.

 

Thus the pebbles were set in motion

For what would be an avalanche, a financial commotion,

For the riches from UEFA had now all been lost,

And away with them the chance of survival was tossed.

 

And so over autumn and winter the bills they ran up,

And at the same time Rangers went out the League Cup,

And their lead at the top of the SPL, it had gone,

To a team bossed by a man called Neil Lennon.

 

Posted by Paul McConville

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21 Comments

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21 responses to “The Ballad of the Billionaire Part 1

  1. 007Bhoy

    Titter titter, I titter so
    As your story gives me a wee glow

  2. GaryKWa

    Paul

    I would get a day job, just so you dont give it up!

    Its night over here in Perth WA but u just made the sun come out again.

    Cheers

    Gary

  3. Ignatius

    Now they’re being run by a man called Green
    But still sing songs to their Gracious Queen
    Also one to some boys called Billy
    showing that they are just plain silly

  4. Andy

    And as the clouds linger the fans still have fight
    The resurgunce seems to have given ol Dermot a fright
    Super Allys team packed full of pro’s
    Appear to be only adding to the woes

    But as Neil Lennon has shown
    Time has allowede him to create the team he has grown
    And on this note Super Allys fans all still beleive
    That in time he will succed; and that Green is no theive

    The club will go on with foundations still strong
    Even if those from Sphell think thats wrong
    New friends from the SFL, who offered forgiveness
    Are now blessed with a good bit of business

    Once is all said and done from conspirers and their dung
    Glasgow Rangers champions will be the song that is sung
    And as the club moves on in further glory
    Left behind are haters who wanted something more gory

    • Tyke Bhoy

      Nice try from the one called Andy
      but if you believe most of that you’ve had too much of the shandy

      • Andy

        and yet still some perplexed by our beleif
        try and bring us down and give us more grief
        But we just want the football, and have no time for all that
        SFA, SPL we don’t care where its at

        We just want our football every weekend
        To save our wifes taking us shopping; and bringing our bank bal to an end
        So thats what we’ll do, loyal, true and blue
        We’ll be at ibrox enjoying the view

  5. COYBIG

    The cry was Surrender, No?
    But Whyte failed to pay the dough
    So they seen their club die
    It was Rangers till July
    But they still can’t admit to it tho
    ………………………………………………
    Along came a man called Green
    With a suit he tried to keep clean
    The history? He said he’s bought it
    Same club, dig deep in your pocket
    Money for somthing, only he knows what
    Lied so many times, but still to be caught
    And he’ll be away before they’ve ‘got it’
    ……………………………………………………………
    Ally’s team trys to play football
    Well if like, you can call it that
    I’ve also heard on ‘Your Call’
    That you shouldn’t call him fat
    Because Ally doesn’t like it
    And seemingly whatever he says goes
    Lets count his away wins then
    And you won’t even need your toes
    ……………………………………………………….
    A new club was born this season
    The Rangers is their name
    A new club was born this season
    They only win at ‘hame’
    A new club was born this season
    Tho continuation, they all seem to crave
    A new club was born this season
    The old one will be spinning in its grave
    …………………………………………………………..

  6. Robert D Bruce

    A friend of mine some time ago,
    Told me of an old lady, who was dying.
    He couldn’t hide his sorrow,
    As he talked he started crying.

    His friend was old, he told me,
    She’d had a long eventful life,
    She’d been through wars and lived through times,
    When poverty was rife.

    She’d always been successful,
    A whole community had looked her way,
    To help them through some testing times,
    And the same was true today.

    He said she’d had some problems,
    She’d some sons who’d left the rails,
    They preached hatred and intolerance,
    From which she’d suffered great travails.

    She’d suffered long in silence,
    Finding words so hard to find,
    To explain the actions of her sons,
    And others of their kind.

    How could it all have come to this,
    That a mother proud and strong,
    Who gave birth and watched her family grow,
    To find they’d turned out wrong.

    Then this lady’s sons had taught their sons,
    And the sons of sons learned too,
    That to be considered one of them,
    You’d to be a certain hue.

    As my friend’s friend began to age,
    She became loathe to disagree,
    With the thoughts and deeds now commonplace,
    Throughout her family tree.

    Her latter years had brought some strife,
    When she couldn’t pay some debt,
    But her family didn’t rally round,
    Something they now regret.

    So as her spending power decreased,
    And investment funds were tight,
    She refused to tell her family,
    About her awful plight.

    They wanted her to chase success,
    They wanted the lime light,
    And although she knew the path was wrong,
    She was weary of the fight.

    She pawned the family heirlooms,
    In a bid to stem the tide,
    But alas her debts had grown so large,
    That the gulf had grown too wide.

    The fall from grace was hard to take,
    And some rallied to attend,
    But alas for the friend of my best friend,
    Her life was coming to an end.

    That old lady died this summer,
    And many mourn that day,
    There are those who can’t accept it,
    And have built an effigy.

    They wheel it all around the land,
    And profess that it is she,
    The lady that could not be saved,
    By her faithful family.

    But all who look upon that sight,
    Turn and shake their head,
    For though it looks quite like her,
    It’s not the lady that is dead.

    • ecojon

      @ Robert D Bruce

      And could be true of any hue.

    • Andy

      There once lived two brothers born several years apart
      The elder being most dominant often broke the youngers heart
      And battle as they did for year upon year
      They were never out of sight; always keen to see the others tear

      The younger to his credit never gave it up
      And to his eternal credit lifted the most glorious cup
      But no matter how many battles he won
      He could never match as many as his brother had done

      He ran to his father expecting some help
      Only to be told stop being such a yelp
      He wrongly assumed his brother fathers favourite
      And chose to guilt trip dad into being a hypocrite

      As his elder brother made some mistakes
      The younger decided to eat jelly and cakes
      He felt he had won; battle and war he was champion once more
      Basking in his glory, he felt something missing; where was his brother he should have been with him

      As although they fought and fought and caused each other pain
      They needed each other, without it wasnt the same
      He said just as much, he wasnt finished making history
      He was now getting sad, his brother was lost; and it was still a mystery

      Now he lies in wait, seeking his brother
      Love and Hate him, he wouldnt have another
      The elder brother wounded and hurt hears his brothers call
      And shouts from the rooftops have no fear I am here after all

      The elder brother proclaims we will battle once more
      As the younger brother claims, I cant wait I thought you were no more
      The elder brother embraces his younger; have no fear and never say never
      We will always be together, battling on another forever and ever

      • COYBIG

        The younger would become stronger than his elder
        Who has since then past away, so is with us no longer
        But after his death, came an obvious revelation
        Despite what the elder thought, there was no relation

  7. Ignatius

    There is no longer in Scotland a club called Airdrionians
    True also of Rangers((IA) and soon to be(IL)) leaving only Sevconians

  8. John Mac

    Were Rangers
    Now Strangers
    Once they led
    Now they’re dead
    Broke the rules
    Cheating fools
    Paid no taxes
    Lost all matches
    Titles lost
    What a cost
    Filled with fury
    Bullied the jury
    Stone age peepel
    Don’t like the chapel
    No surrender they hissed
    I laughed till I pissed
    For Rangers worry
    I thank you Murray!

  9. Townheadbhoy

    Oh lord who hast forsaken me
    and sent us to division three
    A fate that’s worse than bein deid
    A wan wan draw at Peterheid

    Awa frae Ibrox it’s pure dross
    Ending our latest loss
    And so it goes,on and on
    And beaten by brave Albion

  10. dan

    They say we’re obsessed with the Newco
    But I just reply with a No No
    We’re not obsessed, they’re just distressed
    Which gives all us Tims a good Ho Ho

    (Well—not bad for thirty seconds)

  11. COYBIG

    With blue tops, five stars and even the name
    The deluded masses believe it’s the same
    He said the history would be gone, but now he’s changed his story
    He needs to make some money now, so he’s claiming the past glory
    We bought them, we own them, he continuly bleats
    Even the titles when we’re accused of being cheats
    It doesn’t matter how we paid players, as we won them on the pitch
    No it’s now forty-eight and counting Mr Green, Oh! Aint life a bitch
    ………………………………………………………………………………………………
    Green promised orange tops, just like he was seen
    Did I say say orange? Opps! I ment tangerine
    Add to that the fruits from Apple, you nearly have your five a day
    But will it all come to fruition tho? Or will Charlie run away
    …………………………………………………………………………………………..
    Lee McCulloch plays football, infact he is the captian
    Of The Rangers Football Club, managed by a fat man
    He’s held in high esteem, he’s a favourite of ‘the people’
    Who’re at the bottom, but still think they top the steeple
    ………………………………………………………………………………
    Fat Sally was playing games, pretending to not have a clue
    He wanted to know their names, when he already knew
    In the media, he is still thought of as the ‘cheeky chappy’
    To the rest, his mask has sliped, now he’s just a…

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