Rangers financial director Brian Stockbridge is pressing forward with plans to put the first player on Mars.
The ambitious scheme will see Lee McCulloch, and a select group of supporters who will pay £1m each to accompany him, land on the red planet ahead of winning the SPL title.
With Rangers now involved in multi-million pound deals with Puma, Blackthorn Cider and Mike Ashley there is scope to develop the space travel side of the business which Stockbridge describes as “lucrative and cosmic”.
Once the first landing on Mars has been confirmed the club are looking at similar projects on the Moon and Venus.
Mr Stockbridge also revealed that a new partnership could be struck with any aliens that inhabit Mars to exchange players.
“This is an exciting new revenue stream which was scandalously ignored by the previous regime.
“We plan to put Lee McCulloch on Mars by summer 2016. What is so hard about that?
“He will promote the Rangers universe wide brand and who better that Lee for that. Once we make new friends on Mars we will look at the Moon as well. Rangers are too big to merely exist on the planet Earth.
“Who knows, we may construct a space station which will hover over the world as well.”
Mr Stockbridge is keenly aware that his plans may be open to ridicule but he insists that they are workable.
“Let’s say we sell 20 tickets for the trip to supporters at £1m each. That’s £20m straight to the manager for strengthening, or to build another spaceship.
“And all the Martians will buy replica strips from Lee as well. We will then establish a megastore on every planet in the solar system.
“Rangers, as a brand, are very much BACK.”
Ecojon posted this in the comments. I think it is very funny and I think it is worth a post on its own. Well done to the author. A fine piece, and one which ought not to lead anyone to complain about “bile” and “hating” (but probably will anyway).
Posted with many thanks to KDS Website