Stockbridge: we will put a player on Mars by 2016 – (With thanks to KDS Website)

 

Rangers financial director Brian Stockbridge is pressing forward with plans to put the first player on Mars.

The ambitious scheme will see Lee McCulloch, and a select group of supporters who will pay £1m each to accompany him, land on the red planet ahead of winning the SPL title.

With Rangers now involved in multi-million pound deals with Puma, Blackthorn Cider and Mike Ashley there is scope to develop the space travel side of the business which Stockbridge describes as “lucrative and cosmic”.

Once the first landing on Mars has been confirmed the club are looking at similar projects on the Moon and Venus.

Mr Stockbridge also revealed that a new partnership could be struck with any aliens that inhabit Mars to exchange players.

“This is an exciting new revenue stream which was scandalously ignored by the previous regime.

“We plan to put Lee McCulloch on Mars by summer 2016. What is so hard about that?

“He will promote the Rangers universe wide brand and who better that Lee for that. Once we make new friends on Mars we will look at the Moon as well. Rangers are too big to merely exist on the planet Earth.

“Who knows, we may construct a space station which will hover over the world as well.”

Mr Stockbridge is keenly aware that his plans may be open to ridicule but he insists that they are workable.

“Let’s say we sell 20 tickets for the trip to supporters at £1m each. That’s £20m straight to the manager for strengthening, or to build another spaceship.

“And all the Martians will buy replica strips from Lee as well. We will then establish a megastore on every planet in the solar system.

A member of the Mars Loyal RSC, established 2016

A member of the Mars Loyal RSC, established 2016

“Rangers, as a brand, are very much BACK.”

———————————————-

Ecojon posted this in the comments. I think it is very funny and I think it is worth a post on its own. Well done to the author. A fine piece, and one which ought not to lead anyone to complain about “bile” and “hating” (but probably will anyway).

Posted with many thanks to KDS Website

 

 

 

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72 Comments

Filed under Alleged Humour, Rangers

72 responses to “Stockbridge: we will put a player on Mars by 2016 – (With thanks to KDS Website)

  1. From the pen of tinsoldier I’d guess.

  2. Budweiser

    With all the crap at ibrox, shirley the fist stop should be Uranus!

  3. Repost from previous post – sorry all, @SH was correct in that i was vague ….. so to clarify ……

    @Sweeney H wrote …
    ” If challs doesn’t give the Dundee Utd gate money to charity as promised he’s a despicable dirty thieving bastard.
    How’s that for you lad?
    Ps. More than a wee bit vague there newtz are you not? ”

    I replied ….. (out of timing sync …),

    @Sweeney H.
    Further to point you asked above, regarding RFC payng the proceeds of the DUFC to charity ……

    Andy Muirhead – Scotzine, confirmed following call to JT ….. affectionatly referred to as Jabba by some …. that of the £33,000 recieved, all had been split between 2 charities …….Prince & Princess of Wales Hospice recieved £16,400 and funds had cleared. The other payment was to Erskine.

    How the heck i get TD’s for stating fact (even unqualified at the time), is beyond me ……… must be bluenoses … own up cam ……. Adam ….

    And while i’m posting, …….. just want to add that i hope those idiots that caused the SPLFANSUNITED site to close and move to another server following threats, are caught and dealt swift justice …..

    newtz

    • Budweiser

      newtz:-
      Didn’t know about the site. What happened? What threats?

      • Check out @splfansunited on twitter #SPLFansUnited
        or,
        http://wp.me/p3gMGV-2
        via @wordpressdotcom

        From their site:

        ‘Unfortunately we have had to make the decision to move to a wordpress free site. The reason we had to make this decision is because our hosting company and some of their clients were sent abusive and threatening emails. This is now in the hands of the Police and therefor we have no further comment to make.’

        • Oh dear, ….. and yet again ……

          the guy who runs the site has been named, located and other details laid bare on a certain site …….. a site i have previously warned about as carrying a heavy virus threat ……

          Leggo had an early knock on the door for similiar ………… in that case for naming two public officials …..

          • Maggie

            @newtz
            Been really busy and now just catching up.
            I can hardly believe this is STILL happening,but I’m not
            surprised.
            Who are these people? (:-) ) must be that infamous,small minority
            again. God, they don’t half get about a bit for a “small minority”

        • Budweiser

          newtz:-
          Effing unbelievable – or maybe not – maybe carson could speak to some of his friends?

    • I never knew of this site, or the threats, I sincerely hope the police have enough to prosecute, and they do so to the hilt. These bams are nothing less than a shameless disgrace to mankind.
      I hope that if the site wishes to continue, they can do so fearlessly, as is everybody’s right.

  4. Monti

    Will they have to pay TAX on another planet? There are many planets out there…. Could I shuttle then off earth,I’d do it for free…

    • George Collins

      Off-worlding their tax – now there’s an idea that could catch on.

      We see your dastardly plans now, Chucky.

  5. Monti

    I wonder if they’ll ask Alien life forms what school they went to?

  6. listentoyerda

    Ye would think they would have been happy enough wae moonbeams, there,s jist nae pleasin them!

    • ecojon

      @listentoyerda

      Ah but Mars has two moons Phobos and Deimos so the move to the Red Planet doubles the Moonbeam potential – I can’t wait 🙂

  7. mick

    the mars loyal thats it a will just be eating snickers from now on !

  8. lordmac

    there would be loads wishing that Colin Hendry was first on board he cost rangers 4million in 1989-2000 was he on the EBTS list his wages would have shown up on his bankruptcy case

    • mick

      is that the same colin hendry who rfc and sfa conspired to do a frudulant cliam insurance via adding in the ebt he recieves to his shown wage when he go injured and that the msm and even the police have done nothing about or mention and how could the sfa not have know about the side letters if the wage decliared was lower than the one on the insurance cliam this must be addressed and answered as it could prove the LNS outcome to be a farce ,Association Of British Insurers must take action on this to as there top aim is stamping out fraud

  9. lordmac

    OR HIS OUT STANDING LOAN LOL

  10. lordmac

    SORRY HIS PLAYING DATE SHOULD READ 1998 – 2000

  11. Monti

    There must be a few balls flying about up in space, Sebo, sebo …….whooish!

  12. Monti

    Don’t know how much truth there is in this, Ally McCoist wants their new sponsor to be, STARBAR OR GALAXY RIPPLE. MILKY WAY & MARS ARE INTERESTED TOO! McCoist said ” I won’t lie to you,you can’t beat Greggs, they are out of this planet”

  13. Jamie

    I always said Chuck was a “Rocketman”

  14. mick

    theres breaking news of civil unrest in glasgow and larkhall and parts of belfast that gangs of zombie like bank robbers are roaming the streets doing million pound hiests a wonder if this article has something to do with it ??

  15. cam

    It’s a god awful small affair
    this division without the Bear
    but their fans are yelling no
    and their chairmen have told us to go

    but their fans are nowhere to be seen
    now they walk through their sunken dream
    to the green seat with the clearest view
    they’re obsessed wth the Rangers team

    but the league is a frightful bore
    cos they’ve won it ten times or more
    they could spit on the SPL rules
    as they’re asked to focus on

    Celtic fans peeing in the stadium
    oh man look at those cavemen go
    it’s the freakiest show

    take a look at Lawwell
    schmoozing up the wrong guy
    wonder if he’ll ever know
    why the Gers are the best selling show
    yes there’s life on Mars

    it’s on Doncasters tortured brow
    that the SPL has lost it’s cash cow
    now the refs have gone on strike
    cos Lennon’s full of rage again

    see the Tic in their dribs and drabs
    watch the bhoys put 6 past the Arabs
    Rule Brittania is out of bounds
    to all the SPL clowns

    take a look at Lawwell
    schmoozing up the wrong guy
    wonder if he’ll ever know
    why the Gers are the best selling show
    yes there’s life on Mars.

    http://www.last.fm/music/David+Bowie/_/Life+on+Mars%3F

  16. mick

    http://www.heraldscotland.com/sport/opinion/spiers-on-sport-can-rangers-really-generate-100m-annual-turnover.1363109874

    lol great read of figures of oldco compared to celtic blows brians 100mil brianbeams out the water

    • Budweiser

      I might have a blockbuster film script!

      The giant ore-ship Necromos is returning to earth with a cargo of 22m tons of precious metals. Having recently returned from the dead planetoid eyebrocks, with no apparent ill effects, the crew [ ash the android, greeny, stocky, cardy] sat down to breakfast. They were in good spirits and thinking of their shares in the enterprise. Suddenly! Cardy begins to convulse and shake. The others grab him and hold him down on the table! Cardy screams and thrashes, when his shirt rips and his stomach seems to split! Horrified the crew stare as cardie’s belly opens further and the Allyin emerges !
      ‘ Whit’s yer names?’ the creature cries, as it scuttles away. Wur doomed says stocky! Kill the fecker wi a flame thrower! Naw says greeny, we can keep it as a pet. Ash the android says let’s have a vote on follow follow .
      copyright budweiser uk.com/the universe innat.

      • cam

        You’re a bile spewing,hate filled ,face hugger!

        • Budweiser

          cam;-
          dear, dear -it really must hurt so bad.
          ‘God knows how I can possibly feel more pain, since in my sheer urgency to inflict it on myself Inever get round to perceiving it. – Kafka.

        • Steven brennan

          Cam
          Its at times like this I think their is definitely more than one person using your Id on here.
          Great humour in the Bowie take off and a smart reply about Commons and then suddenly minutes later, no sense of humour and back to name calling and nastiness
          Anyone else agree?

          • cam

            Steven, it was a reply in jest,,,remember when Paul was being called the “rhabid hate filled,,,,,?” you folk are way too sensitive.

            • Budweiser

              cam:-
              1st. rewrite:- When cardy ‘gives birth’ to the allyin, the wee allyin races round the breakfast table, scoffing all the grub, before scuttling off into the recesses. If ‘only an excuse’ takes this up then I’ll be rolling in it! New career beckons – see ya suckers! [can anyone do computer generated imaging?]

  17. Thomas

    I know martian sales plan in shredss as aliens are found to bee green men!

  18. cam

    Space,the final frontier.These are the voyages of the starship Rangers.It’s five year mission:to explore strange new commercial outlets,to seek out new investors and new sponsors,to boldly go where no Scottish team has gone before.

    Lennons on the starboard bow
    starboard bow,starboard bow
    Lennons on the starboard bow
    Its life Ally but not as we know it
    not as we know it
    star trekkin across the universe!


    I

  19. cam

    Two fantastic, out of this world CL games.
    Check out one of my favourite movies from the 70’s,,,Dark Star,,,i would love mick to reason with bomb #20.

  20. Raymilland

    colt

    Noun
    A young, uncastrated male horse, in particular one less than four years old.
    Synonyms
    foal

    ————————————————————————

    gelding

    Noun
    A castrated animal, esp. a male horse.
    Synonyms
    Castration

    Blinkered SFL Chief Executive David Longmuir (left) and SFL President Jim Ballantyne are in urgent need of scrotal surgery after yet another ball busting plan to preserve TRFC in Scottish football.

    A pair of clever dicks:

    http://www.scotsman.com/the-scotsman/sport/football/rangers-newco-rumbling-of-discontent-as-hopes-pinned-on-division-one-1-2377236

  21. And Charlie said if he found any life on mars , he would bring it back to ibrokes and rename it the dead planet

  22. cam

    The Curiosity rover has just confirmed possible locations on Mars where primitive life forms could have been viable.
    Both sites, just east of the big blue spot bear a striking resemblance to the Gallowgate and one has been named Valles Kerrydales.

  23. lordmac

    is it true the SFA and RANGERS agreed to defraud the insurance firm
    stating loss of inflated earnings who where the insurance company do they have share holders that lost out on profits, for that year surely it cant be the legal and general lol

  24. Monti

    NASA HEADQUARTERS,HOUSTON TEXAS: Mission : Sevco 5088 on Mars……(interference) ….Astronaut Ogilvie ” landing was fine,making sweep of the area to ensure there are no RC schools..out” (Houston control) ” err ok, what’s visbility like?”…(Ogilvie), ” I can see something ( excited/ breathing heavily”…” it’s an Alien in a Cetic top holding a plaque,i,i think the plaque says ” let’s all laugh at the newco,let them burn in division 3, what’s that shite that your not dead,oh yes you are, your playing Peterhead” (Ogilvie) ” returning to ship, haven’t seen anything apart from some of our footballs from filip sebo’s time at the club” so with a heavy heart Astronaut Ogilvie headed back to the mother ship…….

  25. ewanbhoy

    the question is will darth mccoist still be in charge.

  26. portpower

    They`ll be adventuring on the sevco 8 spacecraft. With a stop-over at the Mare Tranquillitatis for light refreshments.

  27. portpower

    I`m boycotting Mars Bars.

  28. Monti

    Don’t know what all the fuss is about, Craig Whyte has had me wired to the moon for over a year now…..oh what an atmosphere,I love a party with a happy atmosphere. Here we go 2 in a row ( soon to be 10) 43 & counting….( whilst paying taxes & on time audited accounts…just saying like…..pmsl.

  29. arb urns

    that pic linked to the herald story is a cracker. 100million turnover.

    ally appears to be counting the 1.45m pennies he earned last week for the close encounter with annan.well if you look after the pennies the pounds will look after themselves.

    stockbridge does look like superman i will give him that.

    chico is explaining how he is going to build the 2.4m seater stadium he would need to get to that revenue through season books and walk ups.ok say 25% gate revenue at double the current levels its only a 300k seater we need, only 3x the bernabau .

    as bonnie tyler might have put it ‘ i was lost in annan’

  30. Monti

    Agent Whyte to Houston control, come in…..” I’ve landed on Mars & I’m looking to buy a club up here for £1, is there interest from any clubs out there”? ( Houston) ” Sevco 5088 are Agent Whyte” (Agent Whyte) ” pmsl Houston,yeah go for it, contact Agent Green with my £1 offer” ( mass laughter from control room Houston) ” consider it done Agent Whyte..good work “

  31. AntoniousF

    Horse running today at Cheltenham 17.15 race, that some may be interested in. it’s called

    I’m Fraam Govan
    40/1
    worth a wee £1 ew

    the favourite in the race is ‘Sgt Reckless’ & there is also a runner called ‘The Liquidator’
    how weird is that?

  32. George Collins

    This just goes to show how thick they are.

    Mars and the moon, yes; however, Venus’ atmosphere would prohibit them from doing so.

  33. Paul, whilst there may be some humour in the above, and there may be some at Ibrox who deserve ridicule for some of the nonsense they have come out with in recent times, when you allow on a blog that is supposedly actually about Scots Law, posts which are basically jokes ridiculing Rangers, you might consider if you want to take your blog in that direction. I’m all for guest bloggers, if they are adding value, but if I want to read jokes about Rangers there are any number of Celtic fan sites who will oblige (KDS for example!). For what it’s worth I think you’re significantly better than this, don’t let your blog become another place on the internet filled with Celtic and Rangers fans abusing each other pointlessly. At least not on the main blog, I appreciate the comments often go that way regardless of what you post!

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