My excellent private investigators, Charley Farley and Piggy Malone, have found a secret document which is the blueprint for a unique brainwashing process. It plots the stages through which Rangers fans are being driven in relation to their team.
But it can be revealed that, rather than be the result of blind faith repeatedly betrayed, it is in fact a carefully orchestrated plan to force the faithful through every emotion possible conducted by broadcasts of subliminal messages.
I am sure it is coincidental that two shadowy figures, one known only as “the Law-well Man” and the other as “The Archbishop” were seen together in a building with a high spire from which the mind-bending messages are beamed.
Now to the plan:-
Step 1 –
Persuade the fans that the owner of the club, despite having been universally lauded and acclaimed previously, is in fact a useless figure who should be reviled and driven from Ibrox in the same way as the vampire is evicted from his castle in old Peter Cushing films with pitchforks in the hands of the mob.
This plan has already succeeded with David Murray, Craig Whyte and Charles Green.
Step 2 –
Introduce a new buyer who is a “Rangers Man” and whose presence is automatically welcomed by the fans on the basis that he is “one of us” and understands what Rangers mean and why they are “The People”. (For ease of use this person should generally be called Paul Murray. In addition messages are beamed out mentioning Douglas Park and Jim McColl (no, not him from the Beechgrove Garden!)
The support rallies round this buyer as being the right man to take over.
Step 3 –
Introduce another prospective buyer who is not apparently a “Rangers Man”. This person will be from a business background with a history of involvement in companies for the purpose of making money (or “capitalism” as it is known).
This person’s background will be researched and various facts will be drawn to the attention of the Rangers fans which might suggest that, no matter how good a businessman the person is, their history means that they would NOT be the one to run the football team the way the fans want them to.
This has worked so far with Messrs Whyte and Green.
If possible persuade Rangers bloggers to refer to the person as a “snake oil salesman”.
Step 4 –
The next stage involves using these messages to convince the fans that the negative information, or details which would cause possible concern, are to be ignored because much of the digging comes from people perceived to be “enemies of Rangers” or “Rangers-haters”.
It can only be as a result of mind-altering processes that otherwise sensible people can be persuaded to welcome to their club people whose proven record causes concerns about how they might run the club, and to ignore the negative, simply because of the sources of the negative.
Ignore the message because of the messenger.
Step 5 –
When the “outsider” takes over, in an act of mass hypnosis (for that is all it can be), the fans unite behind them, giving them acclaim as they take to the field when Rangers win a trophy, even if they had nothing to do with the triumph.
This has already happened with Messrs Whyte, Green and Mather.
Step 6 –
The “outsider” is proclaimed as the greatest thing since sliced bread and as the person who “saved Rangers when the Rangers Men stood by”. The saviour is acclaimed as the person to take Rangers back to where it belongs.
Step 7 –
Revert to Step 1 and at this point the fans use all of the information provided in Step 4 above to justify why they want rid of the person they welcomed previously.
Indeed at this stage it is even better to engineer the owner or one of their trusted advisers to stand on the steps of Ibrox and speak to a baying crowd of unhappy fans – e.g. Mr Whyte and Mr Traynor.
And so on and so on …
We are already on the third trip round the above timeline, and we await with interest the identity of the new “outsider”. There is some thought that Mr Mather might fill that role of course. We will have to wait and see.
However the above plan makes it clear that the apparently irrational actions of the Rangers support are in fact entirely involuntary and the result of a fiendish masterplan to destroy this great institution.
After all, it would be wholly incredible that intelligent people could be taken in and go round this merry-go-round time and again unless there was some malign influence being applied to them?
Posted by Paul McConville