Cam Meets Tolkein – And Wins on Aggregate!

I thought this was worth a post – our resident troubador, Cam, put this in the comments, and I have only just seen it.

As we used to say on RTC – Chapeau! 🙂


Three rings for the SFA/SPL kings under the sky
seven for the lawlords in their halls of Harper MacLeod
nine for SPL clubs doomed to die
one for the Dark lord on his dark throne
in the land of Parkhead where the shadows lie
One Chico to rule them all,one Jabba to find them
One team to beat them all and in the blog sites bind them




Filed under Alleged Humour, Guest Posts

54 responses to “Cam Meets Tolkein – And Wins on Aggregate!

  1. up to his usual standard, 20 TU 🙂

  2. cam

    Phew,i saw my name and Paul’s together and i thought i was heading up to the heidie’s office for a wee Lochgelly administering.

    • bill clearly never worked before .

      • cam

        I was a good boy at school Bill,my wee maw raised me well,good manners,respect a lady,don’t steal,stand your ground,apologise when at fault,back your friends up and keep your pencil sharpened.
        I still got belted for the wee stupid bit that crept in and creeps out in here.
        Mr McConville walks the corridors,its his school and he will expel me if i misbehave.
        But i do enjoy his lessons and my classmates are fun,,,i’m feeling like scudding this rubber aff yer napper Bill but don’t grass me up!

        • JimBhoy

          @Cam The bampots on this site enjoy your interaction fella, good to know there is at least one bear with a sense of humour and perspective 😉 Take care.. Mick would offer you a mice pie…

  3. Doyle

    Ten lashes for you …..

  4. Micky Burt

    Evostic must be this weeks substance of choice

  5. Budweiser

    I know you said that you were working on a couple of posts, but to post this in the meantime….? No disrespect to cam,as he obviously didn’t forward it to be ‘ guest posted’.I can’t be bothered with more ditties and poems as I have just heard about the massacre of all those weans and adults in Connecticut. Going to open a couple of bottles of wine to drown my sorrows.Merry xmas all.

  6. Maggie

    Don’t encourage him Paul,we’ll never get him to stop now.
    Only kidding cam,you know I love your “funnies” and the
    funniest of all is your BFF Chico 🙂

    “This friendship is not about Charles Green,it’s about you cam,
    and how you defend Charles Green when everyone wants to
    kick Charles Green when he’s down.Charles Green knows the
    value of such a friend.Here’s a gazillion shares in Charles Green’s
    football club for your sterling efforts on Charles Green’s behalf on
    that blog thingy that you post on in a vain attempt to get the better
    of those smart a**** Tims and Timettes.What Charles Green
    wants to know is : Who Are These People who are trying to
    destroy our football club ? Do they not know that is Charles Green’s
    job.Charles Green has pockets to feather after all.
    As I’ve said before it’s not about Charles Green,it’s about you cam,
    but you’d better up your game and start winning some points for
    Charles Green and The Rangers or Charles Green will be going
    for nights out,incognito of course,from safe house to safe house as if Charles Green was in a novel ( what is that again btw ? ) by
    John Le Carre, with that giant intellect of Scottish Football,you know
    who Charles Green means,doesn’t do walking away in a straight line
    while chewing gum or something like that.Charles Green just cannot
    get him punted from Ibrox on account of his not being able to walk
    and chew gum at the same bloody time.If you let Charles Green
    down this is what the future holds for Charles Green,endless
    nights out on the “pies”.The ball’s in your court cam.That’s the price
    of friendship with Charles Green”
    Lots of love,hugs and xxxxxx
    Your BFF Charles Green,Oh and Joyeux Noel,

  7. cam

    Yes Maggie,thanks for your thoughts,
    I’ve studied the disease, I’ve lived in the swamp. It is my informed conclusion that we are suffering, as an ex-great nation, from top-down corporate rot. And that’s not just the judgement of an ailing old fart. A lot of people in my Service make a profession of not seeing things in black and white. Do not confuse me with them. I’m a late-onset, red-toothed radical with balls. Still with me?”
    ― John le Carré, Our Kind of Traitor

    I’m away to listen to the Proclaimers,Sunshine over Leith,poor wee weans

  8. John Markey

    Cam I’m not trying to burst your bubble, well maybe just a gentle little prick, but read this link and let me hear your take on it.

  9. mick

    cam the residedent poet lol what a thing to wake up to cam all over the news and blogs cool will you be want some of the free tickets for celtic park or are we just cyber m8s still ????

    • cam

      I’ll knock back the tickets mick,but you know i’m only at the wind up with you and you can dish it out with no whinging from me.

  10. dan

    Nah. I’m afraid it doesn’t scan. Too many syllables in the first line, and the overall piece lacks any real meaning. D-minus for effort.

  11. ecojon


    We all know about Imran Ahmad’s wonderful gesture of giving a loan to Rangers and how handsomely it was repaid to him. But part of the sweetener was £22,000 in share capital.

    But was the £22,000 of share capital in 1p shares which would return 70p each at the flotation price – Work it out for yourself because I can’t believe my figures possibly because I am suffering from blurred vision and a sore heid this morning. Must be a touch of the flu coming on 🙂

    Just to remind: On 11 May 2012, Imran Ahmad, a director of RFCL, provided a loan of £200,000. £178,000 was repaid on 15 August 2012 and £22,000 was converted into ordinary share capital of RFCL. Imran Ahmad also received an arrangement fee of £50,000 relating to this loan.

    • ecojon

      I assume the TD came from a counting Bear 🙂

      • ecojon

        Of course if I’d been trying to be snide I would be musing: ‘But I thought Rangers was debt-free’. I’m sure I can hear a mantra chanting in my head: ‘We are a debt-free club’. I wonder if the debt to Ahmad is of the ‘external’ or ‘internal’ variety 🙂

      • Gortnamona

        There is of course the extraordinary possibility that someone unaware of your legendary impartiality and integrity, may have formed the opinion that you were jealous of Cam being the centre of attention and that you were attempting to divert attention with a bit of Rangers’ bashing.

        • ecojon

          @ Gortnamona

          This could be true but what an uncharitable thought, especially at this time of year, to a guide who wishes only to light the way so that pilgrims can travel in safety and escape the clutches of those who would come from the darkness and steal their Xmas gifts.

          • Gortnamona

            Good reply Eco

            As for presents, I have often wished that someone would come and steal those I usually get. Clothes two or three sizes too big or of horrible aspect are my main bug-bears* (has anyone used that word yet?) I have bought nothing for anyone these last three years and I think they are getting the hint as last year’s offerings were fairly flimsy. Norweigian detectives and The girl with the Dragon Tattoo etc, that I had read six months previously. And an offering from Waterstone’s reduced table. I know because I saw it there a week before.

            1.A cause of obsessive fear, irritation, or loathing.
            2.An imaginary being invoked to frighten children, typically a sort of hobgoblin supposed to devour them.

            • ecojon


              Funny I never knew the hobgoblin meaning of bug-bear and I had never regarded its use other than to describe a posibly recurrent minor irritation but really more of a glitch than omething actually causing even slight annoyance.

              The obsessive fear I would think must be linked to the imaginary being aspect.

    • ecojon

      Just did my calculation again and if the £22,000 was converted into 1p shares then they would have an etimated value at the flotation price of 70p per share = £1.54 million. I am still certain I have got that wrong,

      So you give a loan of £200,000 for 3 months then get £178,000 back + an arrangement fee of £50,000 and £20,000 share capital which will possibly become worth £1.54 million.

      Am I going mad or am I in the wrong business and should I be rescuing football clubs?

      I should make it clear that the loan in question wasn’t initially made to ‘Rangers’ but on 11 May 2012 to Sevco 5088 Limited a company in which chico is the sole shareholder and only director according to Companies House.

      I then get confused because the Propectus states: ‘The following balances were novated from Sevco 5088 Limited . . . on 29 May 2012 to RFCL, hence the dates are before incorporation of RFCL’.

      Ahmad’s loan was one of the ‘balances’ mentioned and ‘novate’ seems to mean transfer but Sevco Scotland Ltd, incorporated on 29 May 2012, didn’t change it’s name to ‘The Rangers Football Club Ltd’ until 31/07/2012.

      So I can’t understand how the balance could be transferred from Sevco 5088 Limited to ‘The Rangers Football Club Ltd’ on 29 May 2012 as it didn’t exist then – or at least that’s my understanding. I’m probably wrong and I’m sure there’s a simple explanation.

      The other balance was a £50,000 loan from chico on 21 May 2012 to Sevco 5088 Limited – where he is the sole director and shareholder – which later was novated to ‘The Rangers Football Club Ltd’ although I have the same difficulty with thi as with the Ahmad loan.

  12. charliedon

    I was writing yesterday that I was swinging round to thinking Chico might actually pull it off and make off with his swag but leave Rangers reasonably stable. But this information just reawakens my caution. These guys are sharks. Great Whites I believe.

    • ecojon


      I think one of the saddest things about all this is it shows what could have been achieved. There are fairly obvious questions over how some of it was achieved and BDO will be looking carefully at the role of some of the players including D&P.

      But nowhere in the whole of the 500 million diaspora of the Rangers Family could 1 person, or even a few, be found to ‘save’ Rangers. And it i there where I am convinced the key to everything lies.

      We know there are enough with the cash who love their club so why didn’t they – to use a cam phrase in honour of his guest post – step up to the plate and put the cash in. Out of everything that ha happened in the Rangers saga that to me is the abiding mystery.

      So now we are left to ponder how long chico will remain and what damage will be done to the Scottish game through his inability to retain his previous position on boycotts which might have harmed share sales.

      Nowhere in the AIM Prospectus will you find his declaration that Rangers won’t go into the SPL which you might think would be of interest to a potential investor. Indeed the Prospectus talks about Rangers going into the SPL.

      Chico know how untenable hi publicly stated position is and I cannot see the Board of any public company being able to back him on it. The NEDS just can’t allow it.

      • Adam

        Im really not sure why it was an abiding mystery. You would have had to be mental to buy the club with the Big Tax Case hanging over its head.

        Craig Whyte is evidence of that.

        • ecojon

          @ Adam

          Your hero chico bought it so he must be mad according to you and yet many times on here you have lauded his business abilities and acumen.

          Keep on being consistent Adam a you’re always good for a laugh 🙂

          • Adam

            Firstly, he is not my hero. Im on record as saying im comfortable with what i have seen but i am wary.

            Secondly, he never bought it with the big tax case hanging over our head in the context of what you wrote…..”save Rangers”

  13. charliedon

    Or Great Whytes…..

  14. JimBhoy

    Go on the Montrose….!!!! wooohoooo!

  15. JimBhoy

    A festive tribute to Mick, great song sorry about the video… An eye for an eye will make us all blind… Puts things in context…

  16. lordmac

    pie shop for sale, 500,000 needed before you can inspect books is that a fair way of offering a business, on behalf of creditors. i have written
    this before wink wink and i think this is a sham

    • JimBhoy

      @Lordmac So your comment, was that just aiming at a rangers guy on this post, what was the relevance dude… you no bigger than snide shit like this….? The only sham is you waste 30 seconds of your life writing that crap..

      • lordmac

        just letting cam know when he mentioned pie shop and a good going buisness as he did not want to answer it. but he was wanting to make it sound good, and why has it rattled your cadge. this is not aimed at a rangers guy, but to a guy that wants the world to go away or belive on his take only.

    • cam

      Xmas shopping is so much fun??
      I don’t know if the D&P exclusivity charge is the “done” thing in this type of deal and i’m sure BDO or Lord Hodge will rule on that.
      D&P did seem to go about things in a strange manner,but they would have to be pretty stupid to jigger the poker in front of a watchful audience.
      Chico might win pie of the year competition and mick can judge them.

      • lordmac

        again cam, this £500,000 have a look see, it was only on offer for the ever watch full eye, and if you where not given the wink, you would not have been puzzled, NOR WORRIED as to the where abouts of Hiram Abiff

  17. Cam
    Good afternoon. You have made it to be one of Paul’s favourites, congratulations. I am not sure I understand the post, but I did marvel at it. I hope I can continue under your protection.

    I see JohnBoy has confessed to being unkind to you. Now, as you know, I take a dim view of unkindness wherever it comes from (but see below). But he has made a heartfelt act of contrition and I forgive him. He acted hastily.

    I am off now to find Ecojon, who seems to feel he has a stalker ( how unkind) and I think he means me (even more unkind). Quite why he feels that I would want to stalk a self obsessed, controlling old man, who probably lives alone in a condemned flat with a cat, and spends all day and some of the night on the internet righting wrongs and correcting people, who do not share his obsession and getting it wrong, while dressed in his mou mou, I am not sure. Unkind – yes, but I have had such a problem and if he had any hint of humanity or feeling for others he would not bandy the word stalker around. Those who feel this might upset the old f*rt, worry not – he ignores me.

    • GWG

      whit times dinner at~~~~~

    • mick

      @vi most people on here stalk ecojon as he tells the truth any1 that is a sevco fan constantly trys to wind him up hes the ultimate defenition on how to cope with being targeted on line by cheeky bears ,you yourself stalk him all the time lol

      • Mick

        Then it must be true. But I am not sure the ultimate definition of how to cope is being sarcastic and rude. But you like him and don’t miss too many opportunities to defend him. No doubt he will toss you a bone. Or am I now stalking you?

    • cam

      I’m not sure i understand it myself!
      Johnbhoy and me are cool and its all just cyber baiting.What happens in the posts,stays in the posts and big boys don’t cry.
      You and Eco should kiss and make up for Xmas.

    • JohnBhoy

      Violet, I’m still standing in the hall facing the cloakroom with my hands behind my back. Can I come back in?

      Cam’s right, we’re cool. Truth is, I like the cut of his gib and his patter – funny and clever. Now, a man would die to have that on his headstone.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s