Who is above the law? – Guest Post by Glasgow Paul

I have received a heartfelt but hypothetical cri de couer from Glasgow Paul. He would clearly be a troubled man if it were true.

I will leave him to tell you his tale. Something about it seems vaguely familiar…


Let us assume for a minute that I am a petty thief. I have a record for various offences and have been punished on several occasions for my crimes.

It now turns out that I am being accused of murder year after year for about the last ten years! I have a lot of friends however whose income is dependent on me remaining at large. I also bring a lot of income to the country as I and my friends spend a lot of money travelling around from July to May each year.


Now nobody of any authority is saying I am guilty yet, but the cops have handed a report to the procurator fiscal as they feel there is a case to answer. This has been passed to Crown Office to frame the petition for my arrest.

It would of course be entirely wrong to suggest that money could outweigh justice…

My landlord wants me to stay in my flat as the local/national economy relies on me and I have promised to mend my ways! He does insist however that I attend court to defend myself against the murder charges, for which I am adamant that I am not guilty.

Everyone is waiting to see what I will do.

I have told the landlord that I will not return to the flat unless the prosecution drop all the charges but he is insisting that I must answer to them. What a horrible man he is and I bet it is his pal the upright taxpayer friend of his that has it in for me.

Just because I stole possessions of his a lot over the last ten years! He is just bitter – how dare he.

They’ve all got it in for me!

Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!

Haven’t I been punished enough already! I mean I’ve been on remand since February and I lost the Bentley. I’ve got to drive around in a bloody Mercedes now!

I know they think I committed murder, but i didn’t – honest.

And by the way, I will definitely not accept life in prison for murder, oh no, in fact I left the meeting with my landlord out of principle. I didn’t do it, but if I’m found guilty there’s no way I’ll accept life, it’s far too severe, haven’t I been punished enough already, I mean I can’t steal again until next August, the Mercedes won’t get me to Europe and I can’t buy a new Bentley for the next three years.

I can only shoplift penny chews for the next three years, haven’t I been punished enough, come on haven’t I been punished enough?

It’s not what it looks like, honest…

I didn’t do it, it was my crime boss what did it and I’m taking the fall for him, haven’t I already been punished enough, some people want to kick me just because I’m down, it’s not like I stole from them, ahem, I’m going straight now honest, I’ve been punished a lot already did I mention?

I’ve been punished enough, I tell you!

I hope you all go bust.

By the way I’m not sorry!

Posted by Glasgow Paul


Filed under Allegory, Guest Posts, Humour

9 responses to “Who is above the law? – Guest Post by Glasgow Paul

  1. Sir Reginald Loudpants

    of all the silly analogies i’ve heard anout the buns demise, this is the silliest.

  2. Alan Mearns

    All that’s missing are the thousands of blind and deaf followers queuing at his flat door to pay his rent for him.

  3. Gedi67

    i would agree with the above post but i fear for my life

  4. ecojon

    The only thing that is missing is Paul’s present address!

    It is of course that place well-known to accountants as BVI and more commonly to up-market sunseekers as British Virgin Islands 🙂

    • paul

      I actually live in Glasgow, although for legal reasons and in the interest of transparency, I cannot confirm at the current time whether I do live in Glasgow just now and I can certainly not divulge if I actually am who I say I am. I hope to be able to confirm who I am within the next seven days, but will reserve the right to change my mind should you all forget about this promise later in the week. Let’s just say that I am off the radar!
      I’d also like to point out that although I drive a mercedes, I used to drive a Bentley and to have to suffer the mercedes in these circumstances is punishment enough. I have been punished enough, I know I have because all my pals keep saying it and I read it in the papers.
      Leave me alone and get back to your own lives, I have been punished enough and I just want to get on with driving the mercedes against all these Ladas. I’ll never forget this and will remember it when we meet again, once I get the new Bentley (they’re doing great deals on hp).

      I have been punished enough.

      By the way, I’m still not sorry

  5. iain

    As has ben said…silly and pointless analogy.

    But just one of them…for police investigating and passing to PF….read..”Heavily conflicted law practice with extremely close links to Sellick acting as both investigators (police) and prosecuters (pf)”

    You really couldn’t make it up

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