Tinker Tailor – a short story by Richboy

I just watched a remake of John Le Carre’s masterpiece for the umpteenth time. The movie was of a standard that can only be achieved in the UK with awesome performances by the likes of Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, John Hurt and many others.

If you have not seen this movie then I really recommend you take the time and effort to do so, it is a classic. The story is about how several high-ranking officials in the Secret Service have either been turned by our enemies or are just nincompoops.

 

Johnny English – not Tom English!

It got me thinking about the last few years at Rangers and I wondered if their demise was not started by “the Bunnet” (not unlike the character of Smiley). I reversed the roles to fit my scenario.  Did “the Bunnet” set in play a series of events that, with the correct individuals inserted in deep cover, led to the demise of the once famous club?

 

I began to think who it was that M (head of MI6 aka Mr Lawwell) had eventually “turned” in order to sink the Govan ship.

 

Was it Monsieur le Guen? I doubt it very much. He tried to stop the players getting pashed and living on fish and chips. He also tried to stop them “hoofing” the ball up the park in the hope that there was a striker in the vicinity. Incompetent and arrogant to be sure, but not our man.

 

Was M Le Guen the deep-lying agent?

Could it have been Mr McCoist? His overseas follies in Maribor and Malmo would certainly put him in the frame. Also, as a role model for the team his pie-eating exploits would not have helped with fitness. I think not.

 

Is Mr McCoist to blame?

His embarrassing catch phrases “we don’t do walking away” and “we demand transparency” certainly show that he is barely intelligent enough to tie his own shoe laces never mind keep up with a complicated plot as fabricated by the spymaster himself.

 

There can only be two real contenders for the real spy, Mr Whyte and Mr Murray.

 

Mr Whyte would be the obvious suspect due to the speed with which he completed his task. Ten months from wealth off the radar to a poverty-stricken entity who were unable to pay a face painter. His views on paying tax made Jimmy Carr look overly generous towards Her Majesty. Although his ducking, diving, deflection and sheer dishonesty have all the trademarks of someone involved in covert actions, I fear it was not him either.

 

Was Mr Whyte the man?

Mr Whyte was exactly the type of operator that the real Agent was looking for. Nefarious, immoral, stupid, knew lots of shady characters and was easy, very very easy, to dislike.

 

So now we have uncovered our man. A man beyond reproach who had a tenner for every one of Celtic’s fivers. A man who could seduce the sports journalists of Scotland with a succulent meal and a PR spin piece of “news”. A man who intimidated the SFA and SPL. “The Bunnet” knew he had his man.

 

Using reverse psychology, he encouraged SDM to overspend to try and emulate the greatest team Scotland has ever known.

 

Is this “The Bunnet”?

His perverse stubbornness not to compete financially only helped to exaggerate the SDM profligacy, even to the extent of stepping outside the rules of the SFA and HMRC. When the deed was done, and Celtic were on solid ground, “the Bunnet” handed the job over to his juniors and allowed them to complete the task.

 

Or was it this man?

Having turned SDM, they then introduced the aforementioned Mr Whyte to the picture. SDM was tired and wanted to get out, he was no longer up for the game. The rest as they say is history.

 

“Come in Agent Murray”, not bloody likely. Unfortunately for him Celtic will deny this happened and both Mr Whyte and DM (sir being already stripped) will be eating a fair amount of porridge in the near future thanks to the resolute officers of BDO and HMRC.

 

One of the very few pictures available of “Agent Murray”…

Posted by Richboy

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18 Comments

Filed under Alleged Humour, Guest Posts, Rangers

18 responses to “Tinker Tailor – a short story by Richboy

  1. ecojon

    @Richboy

    Yea funny. But perhaps Reservoir Dogs could be your next alternative screenplay :)

  2. Well, they say August is the silly season – but loved it Richboy, great stuff. Could even be true – who knows, compared with the fantasies we keep getting fed in this story… ?

    (BTW, I have the DVD of the original BBC series, three quid at Morrisons a couple of months ago – even better)

  3. I like the allusion to LeCare. Unfortunately, you have only seen the latest,’big screen’ version. It was a great disappointment – real rubbish. Take Kenny’s advice and see the BBC version – brilliant.

    But don’t get sidetracked. Keep up the search for the bunnet. You have me hooked!

    • The Honourable Schoolboy

      Smiley got his man, took him a lifetime, but he got his man!

    • Richboy

      I watched the BBC version when it was originally screened and agree that it was superb. I also agree that Sir Alec was untouchable as Smiley but feel Oldman gave him a close run. Disagree entirely with your comment that the remake was rubbish.

  4. Ernesider

    Kenny & Joseph

    Alec Guinness enough said.

  5. dan

    Better than the BBC series or the movie, join audible .com. and download it to ‘listen’ to. Le Carre’s ear for dialogue of the Oxbridge variety is unfailing. A masterful writer at his peak—–and this from another professional writer (we give other pros praise very, very very grudgingly)

  6. Stuart

    SPL Press Release
    The Scottish Premier League today announced that it has appointed an independent Commission to inquire into alleged EBT payments and arrangements made by Rangers in relation to players during the period from 2000 until 2011.

    The Commission will determine whether during that period in relation to alleged EBT payments and arrangements for players, Rangers was in breach of the relevant SPL Rules.

    In the event that the independent Commission decides that such breach or breaches occurred the independent Commission will have powers to determine what sanctions, if any, are appropriate.

    • ecojon

      I’ve been having a look at how the story is being carried by diufferent msm titles and depressingly it seems to be a story from either a freelance or PA source with little in-house treatament. That may change as the night progresses of course.

      But interesting point which I haven’t really seem articulated before: ‘There has been talk of the Ibrox club being stripped of titles if found guilty and the issue is a sticking point regarding Rangers newco’s bid for membership of the Scottish Football Association’.

      And the a clincher re conditional membership: ‘Charles Green’s club, who were voted into the Third Division of the Scottish Football League by the SFL clubs after being refused admission into the SPL, gained conditional membership of the SFA last Friday which allowed them to play against Brechin in the Ramsdens Cup on Sunday.’

      So will the transfer of the share take place tomorrow? Or have the SFA having lit the blue touch paper now sitting back waiting for Charlie Bhoy to explode?

  7. ecojon

    I did post this in a earlier forum but as the debate seems to have moved and no doubt will keep moving I have brought it here so hope you don’t mind Paul.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/19102870
    Rangers: SPL appoint commission to investigate payments

    The Scottish Premier League have appointed an independent commission to rule on Rangers’ alleged use of employee benefits trusts from 2000-11.

    Now doubt bigotry of other clubs as well as the SFA and SPL towards Rangers will be blamed for this decision. Now whether that is religious bigotry appears to have become a moot point in the last few days among Rangers supporters. As a west of Scotland Scot I know that ‘bigotry’ when used in this neck of the woods in relation to football always means religious bigotry as do the Rangers support.

    If we want to get all technical about it: The origin of the word bigot and bigoterie (bigotry) in English dates back to at least 1598, via Middle French, and started with the sense of “religious hypocrite”.

    The state of mind of a bigot, is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a person obstinately or intolerantly devoted to his or her own opinions and prejudices; especially: one who regards or treats the members of a group (as a racial or ethnic group) with hatred and intolerance”.

    Bigotry may be based on real or perceived characteristics, including age, disability, dissension from popular opinions, economic status, ethnicity, gender identity, language, nationality, personal habits, political alignment, race, region, religious or spiritual belief, sex, or sexual orientation. Bigotry is sometimes developed into an ideology or world view.

    Well we’ve certainly come across the world domination view previously but if Rangers supporters believes that Charlie Bhoy wasn’t meaning ‘religious bigotry’ could they perhaps pick a ‘bigotry’ from the list that better desribes what he was saying or attempting to say.

    I love this one btw: Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. described bigotry in the following quotation: “The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye; the more light you pour upon it, the more it will contract.”

    Apparently tunnel vision and the application of a blue filter has no appreciable effect as the mind and eye of a bigot is miniscule with no contraction left :)

  8. ecojon

    RM are organising a petition to SPL demanding the identity of the new committee be revealed and interestingly say that Ally can’t make the request. I wonder why :)

    It is obvious that this is an attempt to terrorise those prepared to deal with difficult aspects which sometimes confront football. I personally would not want the EBT thing to be handled unril the HMRC tribunal has reported but I can understand the argument made about the undeclared payments being in breach of footballing rules whether it is illegal or not in the wider world in terms of tax evasion.

    What a mob – even Green has to flit from safe house to safe house to escape from his own supporters, death threats fill the air, the bigotry card is played, the last committee had death threats against it, Reagan has had death threats, Rangers investors have had death threats and their internet site attacked by Rangers supporters. But we are assured that Green didn’t mean religious bigotry just bigotry as he tried to whip-up ST sales and instead whipped up religious frenzy.

    Well what exactly is creating this outpouring of bile and hate – we all know but will the SFA act to say enough is enough and hammer any club whose management, players and fans continue to use religious intolerance as a potentially deadly weapon.

    This has nothing to do with football and it has to be rooted out and subjected to scrutiny in the harsh light of day – we have skirted round it and refused to acknowledge it for decades. It will not go away unless all decent fans and the footballiung authorities isolate those responsible for religious bigotry and no club should be excepted from scrutiny and punishment if required.

  9. TheBlackKnight TBK

    Brilliant! Lol :)

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